Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
