I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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