You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
