watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
