I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
