last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
