I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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