just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
