who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
