Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
