So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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