apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
