How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
