basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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