it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
