You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
