And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
