They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
