i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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