my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
