I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
