You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
