This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
