yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
