the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
