Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
