If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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