im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
