I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
