This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
