Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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