stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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