I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
