Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
People in love make me want to vomit
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
