Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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