i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
