I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my being single is dangerous.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
