I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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