That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
