I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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