New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
