I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
