She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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