I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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