I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
