Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
