thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
