I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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