I want to stick my p in your. b.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
