Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize