just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
