He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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