You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
