Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
